Letting Go

I don’t let go of someone I love but I need to let go if that person is already losing the grip on that feeling. And I don’t need to hold on to someone who’s no longer mine because there is no need to grasp if he is no longer yours, he just doesn’t belong to me anymore.

kawikaan ver 6

Am I?

Here.
I am.
Staring at the screen,
Reading.
Checking,
Researching,
Then will start typing.

Here.
I am.
Confused? Not at all.
Drifting? Absolutely.
Blank? Yes.
Goals? Missing partly.
Feels like I am in the abyss.

Here.
I am.
Trying to think,
Trying to make sense,
But nothing I can grasp.
Nothing is felt
But impassiveness

Here.
I am.
Yet still seems like nowhere.
Appears I am not here.
Seems I wasn’t there,
Nonexistent.
Or am I detach from where I am now.

Here.
I am.
Am I here?

My Goals for 2012-2013

A new chapter of my life just started. I looked back on what I’ve done and what I am looking forward this year. With this, I set my personal goals though it looks like late new year resolution. Regardless, I’ll try to keep and complete them. Rather be busy than to do nothing, right?

Goals set for this year:

1. Make time for myself. Time to reflect, relax and be free – even for short time.
2. Set bonding time with my little angel.
3. Buy a journal and pen. I should stop writing on whatever paper I saw. It’s hard to collate them afterwards or sometimes I lost some of them. 
4. Blog and write more.
5. Save more, spend less on nonessential things except books. :D
6. Set priorities.
7. Find balance.
8. Create a timeline for goals – short and long term ones.
9. Will learn to cook. It’s about time that I’ll do more than cutting and peeling.
10. Clean my closet.
11. Learn a new language.
12. Read more – books, newspaper, articles, etc.
13. Plan a solo trip.
14. Join an outreach program. Be a volunteer.
15. Plot a family trip.
16. Find time to exercise.
17. Less soda or no soda at all.

One big goodluck to me!

Happy Birthday to Me!

366 day passed. Too many changes happened. Too many events occurred. It’s quite tough with all the swings that materialize – the transfers, the deviations, and emotions. There are few events where I just feel of giving up due to the frustrations and competence not met. Sometimes those make me feel of just letting go and going with the flow but doing that makes me feel that I am a coward of accepting life’s challenges. Yet I keep on striving and looking forward. Holding to my angel’s trust and belief in me gives me enough strength to live each day for her, for me and for us. All those thoughts are part of the past that I just closed.

Now a new year just begun as my day started with good vibes. Hopes are up, still on the look to reach my dreams and aspiration. Many things to look forward this year for me – my career, my trips, the challenges yet to come. I knew many doors will open for me one by one, on its own time. For now, I will live each day, enjoy and progress. I will make more time to be my daughter and my family… more family bonding for us (and hoping for a family trip to Davao :D). Lastly, I will take steps to achieve and/or get done the things on my list.

And for the changes that happened and the challenges to come, I am happy that despite those I am still here – surviving, alive and happy (with some dip in emotions and occasional boredom..hehe). I am proud of what I am now, of what I become.

And after everything, I AM STILL ME. I AM SOMEBODY. I AM ME.

Spell B-U-S-Y

Work. Work. Work.

I feel so stressed that I can’t help but take few minutes off to ease and give myself a stop-thinking-reflex-your-muscle moment. Its brain draining, nerve wrecking, fingers flicking - click click.. and eyes hurting for the past few days. Yes it’s really and that really HECTIC (can you imagine it?).

I’ve been looking, nah - it’s staring (a much better word) and reading on the two monitors in front of me. It use to be an easy thing to do but as seeing 1,509 e-mails on queue, few times where chat queue rises on the shift and the demand to zero the queue or lessen them is like a peek on hell. It wasn’t easy jumping from one work load to another then adjusting your focus and doing report.

Whew! Wish this week is over. Wish Cheltenham is over.